Falling at the first hurdle (blogging as a self-indulgent exercise)

Okay I have my lil sister Meaghan to thank/blame for this moment of uncertainty, this crisis of indecision. She was the person that first alerted me to the website of “Stuff white people like”. I skimmed it, smiled and went away. In recent times I have come back and looked again. The response is something akin to the Shower Scene from Psycho. I am wondering how long I will be in therapy working out (a) who I am? (b) who I should be ?(c) how white I am?
As to the website – well it is :

www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

But the part that has really messed me up (thanks Meag) is #56 Lawyers. Which might seem inane because I am sort of a lawyer but it is the full text that really gets to the issue. Let me quote at length:

A common characteristic amongst white people is the need to over analyze things, so they partake in activities such as therapy, writing a blog, or becoming an arts major. So its rather obvious why white people love lawyers so much as it is the one profession that has mastered the art of “over analyzing things”.

So there you have it. Where Lionel Ritchie could croon that she was “Once, twice, three times a lady” here I am once, twice, three strikes as a sad case. So I can always lie about therapy but I am pinned, like an insect on a piece of card. Yes I am a lawyer (sort of…sorry Neil, guilt by association), and I have an arts major and yes I blog. So I am inescapably damned for that one. I love to over-analyze things…and make lists…and drink too much red wine. But it isn’t that bad is it? Well it is not…unless you start checking through the list of stuff white people like. There is a book too and it is slightly different from the website, but check it out. So, for the record I will concede that I do have a partiality the following:

For #23 microbreweries

White people don’t like stuff that’s easy to acquire. Beer is no exception.
They generally try to avoid beers like Budweiser, Labatt’s, Molson, Coors, and Heineken because if it’s mass produced it is bad. No exceptions.
So when they need a beer, they turn to microbrews who seem to be located almost exclusively in New England, Ontario, Quebec and Colorado. Being able to walk into a bar and order a beer that no one has heard of makes white people feel good about their alcohol drinking palate.
A friend of mine once met a white guy who brought a notebook with him to every bar. He would then keep a record of all the beers he drank and his experience with them. He called it his ‘beer journal.’
Also of note: most white people want to open a microbrewery at some point. One that uses organic hops.

On wine (#23)

Within white culture, you are expected to know what a good wine is, what wine is not acceptable to like, and the names of prominent wine growing regions.
But because there are thousands of wineries, thousands of wines, and a limited time to try them or learn about it, often times, white people need to fake knowledge. If they are exposed as not being knowledgeable, they will look like fools and their peers will consistently make jokes about them liking Boone’s Farm, Thunderbird, Steeler, or Lakeport. This humiliation can crush a white person for years.
When a white person offers you wine, you take a small sip and then say “ooh, that’s nice. What country is it from?” then they will say the name of the country and you say “I love wines from that country, I would love to get a villa in the wine region there.” White people will nod in agreement as they all want to have a second home in a wine region like Napa, Tuscany or Santa Barbara.
It is also a good idea to say that your favorite wine is from a small winery called [make up name like 'Spotswood,' 'Red Duck,' Random Spanish name] in [Australia, Argentina, France, California, or Chile] that is hard to get in whatever country you are in. White people will be impressed that they have not heard of this wine and consider you to be a very smart person. They will also make a note to try to find that wine, and when they can’t find it, your status will rise even higher.

In addition I have to confess to a love of breakfast places (#36), the Daily Show/Stephen Colbert (#35), indie music (#41) and sushi (#42) and dinner parties (#90) and the “idea” of marathons (#27)

In life, there are certain milestones of physical activity that can define you. A sub 5 second 40 yard dash, a 40 inch vertical leap and so forth. To a white person, the absolute pinnacle of fitness is to run a marathon. Not to win, just to run.
White people will train for months, telling everyone who will listen about how they get up early in the morning, they run when it rains, how it makes them feels so great and gives them energy.
When they finish the marathon, they will generally take a photo of themselves in a pair of New Balance sneakers, running shorts, and their marathon number with both hands over their head in triumph (seriously, look it up, this is universal).
They will then set goals like running in the Boston Marathon or the New York Marathon.
If you find yourself in a situation where a white person is talking about a marathon, you must be impressed or you will lose favor with them immediately. Running for a certain length of time on a specific day is a very important thing to a white person and should not be demeaned.

And so, for the record, I also like Barack Obama but not because if I don’t say that people will think I am racist (#8)

Of course there are those ones that are too culturally specific to America, such as #75 (Threatening to move to Canada). Mind you, if Howard had stayed in power it was looking like a good option. The there is #100 (Boston Red Sox, substitute Collingwood?) #30 (Wrigley Field, read MCG and it is the same). As to the rest, there are the ones that I don’t think apply (joining a religion your parents don’t like, bad high school memories, organic food, not having a tv, veganism, Toyota Prius, rugby, multilingual children, Japan, graduate school, snowboarding, musical comedy (you have GOT to be joking!!). Then there are the others that might need to go to the third umpire and I will no doubt dispute them.

All I can say is thank god I no longer have to eat organic food, promise to learn a foreign language (read: Portugese – bloody hard) and pretend to like classical music. Instead I am going to pack up t-shirts, shorts and my outdoor gear (#87 think Katmandu or Paddie Palin) and drop them at St Vinnies, donning a flanny shirt and getting some meat pies and Budweiser beer and/or Jim Beam. Then I am going to crank up the Lnyrd Skynrd (must learn to spell their name) and watch NasCar on cable. Which makes me…??? Hmm …confused I guess.